Welcome to Nowhere
by AlyssaStratic
Summary: Follow Alyssa as she goes on her journey to Nowhere! It is pretty funny but you have to be familiar with the game to understand it.
1. Welcome to Nowhere

***Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story except Alyssa and Dogbird. I'm just a person who wanted to make a story so don't sue me or anything!***  
  
*CHAPTER 1*  
  
Alyssa: I'm tired of this stupid house. Mom I think I'm going to leave to go to a new town I've never even heard of even though I'm only 12 years old and I'll go live with a whole bunch of animals who are half my size and don't hardly understand English.  
  
Mom: Okay honey! Have a good time!  
  
Alyssa packs up all of her stuff and goes on a train to leave to a new town. She sits in a seat and sees a very ugly cat walking towards her.  
  
Cat: Hi! My name's Rover!  
  
Alyssa: Isn't that a dog's name  
  
Rover: What's your name?  
  
Alyssa: ANSWER MY QUESTION!!  
  
Rover: Um yeah it is a dog's name. My parents were drunk when they had me so I just got named Rover.  
  
Alyssa: Oh okay my name's Alyssa so now that you know can you maybe. get lost?!  
  
Rover: Uh. no. Where are you going?  
  
Alyssa: Try this - WHO CARES! It is none of your business!  
  
Rover: WHO CARES! What a nice name for a town! I'm sure you will have fun-  
  
Alyssa: SHUT UP! That isn't the name of the town. Okay I'll just make up the first name that comes to my head and then that magically will be the name of the town I'm going to.  
  
Rover: Oh. okay! So are you going for a visit or are you moving?  
  
Alyssa: I'm going to a town called Nowhere and I am moving. Maybe you can shut up now that I've told you! Has anyone ever told you that you have an unusually BIG MOUTH?!  
  
Rover: No, I don't think so.  
  
Alyssa puts her head in her hands. What did I do to deserve this?  
  
Rover: Sounds like fun! Oh it looks like we've just arrived in NOWHERE well I'll see you later!  
  
Alyssa: Hopefully not.  
  
Alyssa gets off the train and runs into a monkey.  
  
Monkey: Hello and welcome to Nowhere!  
  
Alyssa: Yeah.  
  
Alyssa walks down the steps and hears someone yelling.  
  
Unknown Voice: Hey wait up!  
  
Alyssa tries to run away but she just doesn't seem to be able to move. I wonder why.  
  
Tom: You must be ALYSSA! I heard all about you!  
  
Alyssa: Hmm, figures.  
  
Tom: Come with me! I will show you 4 houses and you can pick one to move into!  
  
Alyssa: Fine.  
  
Tom Nook goes to the houses and Alyssa automatically follows as if in a trance.  
  
Tom: These are the houses. Feel free to look inside and take a look around! But they are how should I say, a bit - cozy.  
  
Alyssa: Yeah whatever. I'll take the one over there.  
  
Tom: You have to go in it first.  
  
Alyssa: WHY!  
  
Tom: Because this game makes you go in it before you can buy it.  
  
Alyssa: Okay FINE. I'll go into your little stupid house.  
  
Alyssa walks into a house already occupied.  
  
Tom: Oh, I'm sorry. You can't go into that one. Someone is already occupying-  
  
Alyssa: AARRGGHHH!! Okay you know what fine. You can just pick for me I don't really care!  
  
Tom: Okay you can have this house.  
  
Tom walks over to the crappiest house of the 4 and asks Alyssa for the money.  
  
Alyssa: What money? No one tells me anything!  
  
Tom: Well you see, you have to pay me money to buy a house. 19,800 bells please  
  
Alyssa looks in her pockets to find 1,000 bells that somehow got in there.  
  
Alyssa: Why bells?  
  
Tom: Because that's what our money is called. Just give me it.  
  
Alyssa: All I can find is - wait, hold on juusst a second okay?  
  
Alyssa walks over to the neighbor's house and finds 20,000 bells lying on the ground that they left there. She picks it up and puts it in her pockets.  
  
Alyssa: Here! Here's the money all of it!  
  
Tom: But, you're not supposed to have all the money. you're just supposed to have 1,000 bells and then I'm supposed to get mad at you and-  
  
Alyssa: Yeah yeah who cares.  
  
Tom: Well I guess you don't have to take this uniform then. Unless you want it.  
  
Alyssa takes one look at the uniform, runs into a bush nearby and pukes her guts out. She goes back to her new house that is about as big as half of her old bedroom.  
  
Alyssa: What the *$?% happened to all my furniture?! There's just a bunch of stupid bitten leaves in my pockets!  
  
Alyssa throws all the leaves on the floor and then furniture starts popping up. The room is overflown and she is trapped in her room squished against a couch and her bed.  
  
Alyssa: Oopsies.  
  
Alyssa picks up all the furnitures except her bed and manages to stuff all of them in her pockets. She lies on her bed and almost falls asleep.  
  
Alyssa: Oh yeah! I have to talk to that freakin' Gyroid outside.  
  
Alyssa talks to Gyroid then goes back into her house, trips over the bed and falls face flat on the floor. She doesn't care so she just falls asleep. 


	2. Roaming Around Town

***Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story except Alyssa and Dogbird. I'm just a person who wanted to make a story so don't sue me or anything!***  
  
*CHAPTER 2*  
  
Alyssa wakes up only to find herself on the floor with a huge bruise.  
  
Alyssa: Why the heck am I on the floor? Oh well.  
  
Alyssa gets up and sees a light blinking on her mailbox. She opens it and finds some mail. She finds advertisements for the museum and a note from mom. She crumples up all the mail and throws it on the ground and it disappears.  
  
Alyssa walks into the next acre and sees a house. Some mummy-thing walks out of it.  
  
Mummy-Thing: Hi! My name's Lucky! You must be new in town! My name's Lucky!  
  
Alyssa: You just said that.  
  
Lucky: Just said what?  
  
Alyssa: Nevermind. I never, ever would have guessed your name was Lucky.  
  
Lucky: Why would you say that?  
  
Alyssa looks at the ugly thing wrapped in white tape which somewhat resembles a dog.  
  
Alyssa: Uggh nevermind just forget everything I said, forget me. I'm going to go now.  
  
Alyssa walks over to a tree and bangs her head on it. Why why WHY?? All of a sudden, bees start flying out of the tree. Alyssa shoves Lucky out of the way and runs into his - erm, ITS house, leaving Lucky to get stung. But since Lucky has all that freakin' tape on himself for who knows what reason, he does not get stung.  
  
Alyssa peaks out of the house to see if the bees are still there. Nope, but that ugly resurrected dog still is. She walks to the next acre. Something even weirder looking (if that is possible) walks out of a house.  
  
Weird Thing: Hi! Welcome to Nowhere! You must be new. I saw you got chased by the bees. My name is Dogbird!  
  
Alyssa: And I think I will kick myself for asking this, but what exactly are you??  
  
Dogbird: I am both a dog and a bird!  
  
Alyssa: Oh, I thought they just put normal animals in this game.  
  
Dogbird: Well, you see, I was not originally put in this game. I am actually a rejected Pokémon that got put in this stupid game and all of my powers were taken away.  
  
Alyssa: Riigghht, don't worry, happens ALL the time. hehe.  
  
Alyssa quickly runs away to escape all the weirdness into the nearest door she can find. It happens to be Nookington's.  
  
Alyssa: Where am I?  
  
Tom: Hello and welcome to Nookington's - oh Alyssa it's you! I've been meaning to talk to you. You see there's this thing called HRA and-  
  
Alyssa: I don't want it.  
  
Tom: But you have to!  
  
Alyssa: NO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tom: But the game says.  
  
Alyssa: You know what I don't care! Just go away!  
  
Tom: This is my store though.  
  
Alyssa: Oh - yeah. Well then. I'M LEAVING!  
  
Alyssa stomps out the door and trudges all over the flowers that Tom Nook had to plant because she didn't have to do her job. That was because she paid off all of her money. Hey, wait a second.  
  
Alyssa pushes open the sliding door breaking it down, and knocks Tom Nook over onto the floor.  
  
Alyssa: May I ask WHY THE HECK you were standing RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR??  
  
Tom: Well you see, you are the only customer I have. None of the animals actually come to my store, they just say they do. So I just stand here right in front of the door waiting for you.  
  
Alyssa: Wow, you animals really don't have a life at all do you?  
  
Tom: Um. nope not really.  
  
Alyssa: Oh yeah when are you gonna upgrade my house? Because I have this LITTLE complaint that my so-called HOUSE isn't even the size of a normal BEDROOM!  
  
Tom: Okay I'll have it ready by tomorrow! What color roof-  
  
Alyssa: NO you're wrong you will have it ready by TODAY! There is NO WAY I'm going to live in that little stupid closet a whole 'nother day! Oh yes, and I would like my roof to be painted a pretty pink. SO STEP ON IT!!!  
  
Alyssa watches as Tom Nook rushes out of the door and immediately starts building onto her house. She stares until it is almost night time.  
  
Alyssa: Okay Nook get out of my way I wanna go to bed. And I have to talk to the little tree stump over there.  
  
Alyssa points to the Gyroid. She chucks a rock at it so it will stop jiggling around so much and then yells at it to save her game. She quietly walks into her bed and peacefully falls asleep. 


	3. Alyssa Visits Somewhere

***Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story except Alyssa and Dogbird. I'm just a person who wanted to make a story so don't sue me or anything!***  
  
*CHAPTER 3*  
  
Alyssa wakes up and rolls off her bed, taking the sheets with her.  
  
Alyssa: I guess I better go meet everyone else in town. Might as well get up.  
  
Alyssa gets up and walks to the door and walks out. She goes to the next acre over and sees a brand new house. Then a big coconut walks out.  
  
Alyssa: And what may I ask are YOU supposed to be?!  
  
Coconut: Hi! I'm Coco! You must be new here.  
  
Alyssa: You didn't answer my question What the heck are you!!  
  
Coco is silent for a moment.  
  
Alyssa: Okay then. I guess I'll be leaving.  
  
Alyssa walks over to the post office. She decides to write a letter to Dogbird:  
  
To Dogbird  
  
I feel very sorry for you. If only you weren't so ugly, maybe you could have some friends. It must be hard being a reject. But don't worry, all the other animals in this town are freaks too, so it shouldn't be too hard finding at least one friend. Oh yeah, and by the way, you might've noticed some furnitures missing in your house.  
  
From Alyssa  
  
She mailed the letter. A few seconds later, she walked back to her house and she had already gotten a letter back - how amazing! She opened her mailbox.  
  
To Alyssa  
  
I'm sorry, but I couldn't understand your letter. Could you please try to write in smaller words? It is hard for me to understand. Just because I'm mentally challenged, you don't have to point it out! Please send a more simpler letter next time.  
  
From Dogbird  
  
Alyssa crumples the letter up and throws it on the ground and once again, it just vanishes. Why do I even bother? Alyssa also sees another letter in the mailbox. It is an advertisement to come visit the town called Somewhere. Must be better than Nowhere, she thought. She quickly left on the train. She found a seat, which happened to be the same seat as when she came to the town. And coincidentally, everyone else that was on the train was in their exact same places as last time!! All the sudden, a big white thing with ears walks over to her seat.  
  
Big White Thing: Hey can I sit here?  
  
Alyssa: No.  
  
Big White Thing: Okay.  
  
Big White Thing takes a seat across from Alyssa.  
  
Big White Thing: Hi my name's Blanca- hey what are you staring at?  
  
Alyssa: Nothing.  
  
Blanca: It has to be something!  
  
Alyssa: No literally, it's nothing. I can understand why you were named Blanca.  
  
Blanca: WHAT?! My face is gone again?  
  
Alyssa: Oh, so this is NORMAL for you.  
  
Blanca: Can you draw my face back again?  
  
Alyssa: Suuurrre. (laughs evilly)  
  
Alyssa draws a star for one eye and a big black X for the other. She puts a teeny little pink dot right in between the "eyes" for her nose. She draws big huge red lips for the mouth and decides to add blue polka dots all over her face.  
  
Blanca: Thanks! I bet it looks great!  
  
Alyssa: Um. of course it does!  
  
The train comes to a stop. Alyssa quickly rushes off the train when Blanca reaches for her mirror. A monkey stops her.  
  
Monkey: Hello and welcome to Somewhere!  
  
Alyssa: Yeah whatever.  
  
Alyssa shoves the monkey out of her way and walks down the stairs of the train station. She walks over to a few acres and finally spots a house. A big huge pink hippo with an extremely unproportional head walks out.  
  
Big Huge Hippo: Oh hi. You must be new here. My names Bitty but don't be too jealous of my looks!  
  
Alyssa: Oh don't worry, I'm sure I won't be.  
  
Bitty: So why are you here? Are you visiting?  
  
Alyssa: Well duh, I don't live here ya retard.  
  
Alyssa keeps talking to her and walking away, talking and walking away.  
  
Bitty: Well aren't you the little persistent one! Why can't you find a new friend? Am I your only friend? Go bug someone else!  
  
Alyssa turns around and starts away, then quickly turns around and kicks Bitty in the shin extremely hard.  
  
Alyssa: HAHAHA!!! See you later SUCKER!!  
  
Alyssa runs almost all the way across the town of Somewhere until she bumps into a quite ugly, yet familiar-looking thing wrapped in white bandages.  
  
Mummy-Thing: Hi! I'm Lucky! You must be new here! I'm Lucky!  
  
Alyssa: You just said that.  
  
Lucky: Just said what?  
  
Alyssa: AAHHH!!! Déjà vu! Get away from me you creep!  
  
Alyssa runs all the way to Nook's Cranny and runs right into the door. She falls and becomes unconscious for about a week. Then she wakes up.  
  
Alyssa: WHERE THE $%!# AM I?!  
  
Alyssa quickly runs to the train station. She sees a sign with a map for Somewhere. She talks to a monkey, and coincidentally, a train arrives going back to Nowhere just when she finishes talking to him. She runs onto the train and finds the exact same spot she sat in last time, with *gasp* the same people in the EXACT same places - again!! She sits down out of breath and watches as Joan the turnip seller wakes up from what looked like a nightmare, falls back asleep, and wakes up again. She pops some gum in her mouth, and after a while, gets tired of it. She sticks it onto the seat in front of her. Then, she sees a familiar blue cat walking over.  
  
Rover: Wow! It's you again ALYSSA! What a coincidence!  
  
Alyssa: Yeah, I can imagine. Can you like, possibly, leave me alone forever?  
  
Rover: Mind if I sit here?  
  
Alyssa: Yeah actually I do-  
  
Rover: Okay!  
  
Rover takes a seat right into the chewed gum.  
  
Rover: Hmm. this seat seems to feel a little sticky. I can't really move around. Oh well! So how are things in Nowhere?  
  
Alyssa: Yeah.  
  
Alyssa isn't paying attention to Rover, but to the gum she stuck on the seat. She spots a seat right behind her with no one else in it.  
  
Alyssa: Hey, I'm gonna move to that seat. Wanna come with me?  
  
Rover: Sure!  
  
Rover starts to get up, but is stuck. He pushes and pushes, but he can't get up.  
  
Rover: Um, I seem to be a little stuck.  
  
Alyssa: Aww that's just too bad isn't it! Well it looks like I'M going to have to sit here ALL BY MYSELF!  
  
Alyssa laughs her head off the whole way back to Nowhere, watching as Rover tries to struggle out of his seat. The train comes to a stop. She gets off, shoves the monkey off the balcony of the train station, and walks down the path back to her house. She walks inside.  
  
Alyssa: AAAHHHH!!!!  
  
A whole bunch of cockroaches are running around frantically inside her house! She pushes the furniture around, which kills the cockroaches. For some reason, there was no mess on the floor at all from the dead cockroaches - how strange! She walked outside and talked to the now emotionally scarred Gyroid. She walked back inside and fell asleep on the couch. 


	4. Doom Island

***Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story except Alyssa and Dogbird. I'm just a person who wanted to make a story so don't sue me or anything!***  
  
*CHAPTER 4*  
  
Alyssa walked outside. She runs into Coco who was walking around the lake.  
  
Coco: Hello Alyssa. You're up early.  
  
Alyssa: Um. no? It is 11:30 and I just woke up.  
  
Coco: Well in this game, as long as it isn't lunchtime, you're up early!  
  
Alyssa gets tired of Coco and pushes him into the lake, where piranhas start eating away at his coconut head. She walks over to the beach and sees a new house. She sees a weird figure come out that looks similar to a jellyfish.  
  
Jellyfish: Get off my lawn! Go away! What are you staring at?!  
  
Alyssa: Nice to meet you too. I'll just be leaving now.  
  
Alyssa looks at the sign on the jellyfish's house. Octavian sounds like an octopus name - oh well octopus jellyfish, same difference. She takes a set of matches and starts lighting them to the house. She then pushes Octavian into the house.  
  
Octavian: Hmm. smells like something burning. Maybe I left those sugar cookies in the oven too long.  
  
Octavian sees smoke coming from the walls.  
  
Octavian: Oh no! FIRE! What were you supposed to do when there's a fire? Oh yeah, hide under the furniture!  
  
The house quickly starts to flame.  
  
Octavian: Oh wait, that's when there's a-  
  
Too late. The house burned up and quickly disappeared, along with Octavian. But since his house was on the beach, there was no field fire.  
  
Alyssa: Another job well done.  
  
Alyssa walks down the beach singing and skipping. She then trips over the dock and falls into the ocean. She quickly swims back to shore.  
  
Alyssa: What the-  
  
Alyssa sees a very old turtle sitting in a boat at the dock.  
  
Old Turtle: Hello would you like to sail to the island?  
  
Alyssa: What island? What the heck are you animals problems there is no island and there is no movie theater or bakery that is going to be built if I sell my house!!  
  
Old Turtle: Huh?  
  
Alyssa: Oh. hehe. nevermind.  
  
Old Turtle: Well I'm Kapp'n so would you like to sail to the island?  
  
Alyssa: Fine. Whatever.  
  
Kapp'n: What do you want the island to be called?  
  
Alyssa: Oh so now I have to name the island? Fine the island can be named Doom, just like everything else here.  
  
Kapp'n: Okay we're headed off to Doom Island!  
  
Kapp'n starts singing a horrible song and starts to hit on Alyssa. Alyssa puts a big huge duct tape on his mouth and hogties him, then throws him in a safe and puts a padlock on the safe, then throws him into the ocean.  
  
Alyssa: Hmm. maybe my temper has gotten a little out of hand lately?  
  
Silence.  
  
Alyssa: Ah, who cares.  
  
Alyssa finally arrives at Doom Island, where she sees 2 houses. She goes into one and it has 4 clothes in it. She picks them all up and stuffs them in her pocket. She goes back outside and into the other house, only to see.  
  
Unknown Thing: Hi! My name is Yodel the Gorilla! I am the King of Doom!  
  
Alyssa: I'm sure you are.  
  
Yodel: Would you like to write a poem in my island book?  
  
Alyssa: Suurreee. why not.  
  
Alyssa grabs the pen and starts to write in the notebook. She writes:  
  
Anyone who reads this, please help me! I am about to go crazy! These animals are driving me insane!! Go! Before Tom Nook catches you and he forces you to pay off your house! Oh yeah, and please take me with you.  
  
Yodel: Wow that is so sweet. I will treasure this poem forever.  
  
Alyssa walks out of the empty house. She takes out her graffiti can and starts vandalizing the wall of the house. HELP!  
  
She goes back to the boat, and rows back to Nowhere. She runs into Dogbird.  
  
Dogbird: Hi Alyssa! I forgot to ask you what day is your birthday?  
  
Alyssa: Every day of the year of course.  
  
Dogbird: Would you like a train on your birthday?  
  
Alyssa: Um, no.  
  
Dogbird: Okay!  
  
She walks back over to her house and remembers her generous neighbor who left money outside when Nook forced her to pay him. She sees another bag of money with 100,000 bells in it labeled: Life Savings. She picks it up and uses it to pay off the rest of the money for her house. She then storms over to Nookington's. She pushes down the newly rebuilt door, knocking Tom Nook over once again.  
  
Alyssa: GIMME MY UPGRADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tom Nook: bggfff ggffhhggbb.  
  
Alyssa: I said. GIMME MY UPGRADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tom Nook: Who am I? What am I? Where am I? When am I? Why am I? How am I?  
  
Alyssa: Oh great time to get amnesia Nook.  
  
Alyssa walks on top of him then towards the stairs, then up to the second level.  
  
Alyssa: Oh aren't you two the cutest little things? GO UPGRADE MY HOUSE NOW!!!!  
  
The 2 raccoons ran over to the house and started building as big as they could. Since they didn't know how big to build it, she told them to make it 3 stories high with 6 rooms on each floor.  
  
Raccoons: Okay we're finished! So how much was the debt supposed to be again?  
  
Alyssa: Hmm. it was supposed to be 5,000 bells. You know what I'll do? Since back in my old town, we called our money DOLLARS. One of these dollars is worth 10,000 bells, and since I feel SO generous today, I'll give you this WHOLE dollar!  
  
The raccoons run off happily, now that they're "rich." Alyssa glares at the Gyroid, and it automatically saves it. She walks back into her house and falls asleep. 


End file.
